Becoming Mom of twins or multiples is really a blessing of god which is very rare. But new moms of twins and multiples often forget that these children have individuality or a personality of their own. First thing that everyone notices about the twins or multiples is how the babies look or act alike. The connection between the children is so strong that they often forget that they have independent personalities apart from each other.
Parents of twins or multiples often treat their children similarly by
making them wear same clothes, same shoes, making same hair styles,
buying same toys, bags & mugs for them. But they forget that twin
children only look alike and it is not necessary that their likings &
dislikings are also same. They are different individuals and therefore,
have the right to look, think & act differently.
Individuals With Differences
Parents of twins, try to do everything same for twins or multiples,
because they want to make sure that one child does not get preferential
treatment. As they feel that treating one differently, would produce one
well-adjusted and another maladjusted child. But at the same time, don't
forget that twins & multiples are individuals with differences. For
example, if one has some health problem and requires to be held more
often, then you have to give up your strict adherence to everything
being equal and instead have to decide that what is right for which
particular baby at such times?
It is also important to teach your twins - this important difference -
as they get older. They should understand that "mom has to hold my
sibling more right now because he/she is sick and I'm not." Teach
the child to act according to the situation and also make him realize
that he is not the one who will always get preference from the parents.
Difference Between Fairness & Equality
Reward positive behavior of your child and punish him/her for the
negative. Encourage individuality of your twins & multiples, as
tolerance for differential treatment is based on individual needs. Teach
sharing habit to your twins & multiples as this generous spirit will
lessen their desire to have everything equal. Treat then according to
their individual needs and not wants. Give your children choices, as
choices in life make them understand that why you may choose to treat
each child differently.
When your child complains about something as not fair, explain him/her,
why you are treating your children differently. It may not immediately
satisfy the child, but after some time, your children will understand
that there is a reason for your actions. By doing so, you are teaching
them that fairness and equality are not always synonymous and they
should know how to differentiate between the two.